In My Own Time
by ussshorty
Summary: Daniel balmes himself for the death of the woman he loved and wishes he got to tell her the wimple words 'I Love You.'


Ok this is my very first fic that i've wrote which is dedicated to Daniel and Janet. It's a one parter and i hope you enjoy it. I hope all you D/J shippers will like it and please feel free to be honest inn your reviews.  
  
Disclaimer: Sadly i do not own Stargate and most likely never will.  
  
Summery: This is set shortly After heroes Pt.2. Daniel greives in silence and blames himself for the woman he watched die and never got to say 'I love You' too.  
  
Warning: Bad Language.  
  
In My Own Time.  
  
So much is happening to me.   
  
So much that I can't even see.   
  
So many words of wisdom that I am trying to be.   
  
Catch me if I should fall.   
  
And even more so while I'm standing tall.  
  
Daniel sat in an empty infirmary. 3 weeks had passed since the tragic and uncalled for death of Janet Fraiser. A woman who wanted to save lives but yet had hers taken away so cruelly and coldly.  
  
The gould has killed the 2 women he loved more than anything in the world and he could do nothing to help them. "Im useless"  
  
Jack walked into the infirmary.  
  
"I thought you'd be in here"  
  
Daniel looked up.  
  
"Im still getting used to her not being around"  
  
"We all are"  
  
Daniel knew what Jack said was true. He felt so self-obsessed not asking Sam or Cassie how they were. They knew Janet better than anyone else and all he could do was slip into his own grief.  
  
"Am i being mean?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, let's look at it like this. We should be comforting Cassie, she's just lost another mother"  
  
"Cassie is strong and she knows were all here. She just wants to be alone for a while"  
  
"And then there's Sam. She was Janet's best friend and one of my close friends and i've hardly talked to her"  
  
Jack sat next to Daniel on one of the beds.  
  
"Daniel, Sam knows what you're going through. We all do"  
  
"No you don't"  
  
"Yes we do"  
  
Daniel stood up. His voice raised  
  
"No you don't. I loved her and the fucking Goul'd just come along once again and take her from me"  
  
"Daniel i..."  
  
"It's alright for you. Sam's still here alive and well"  
  
Daniel went quiet.  
  
"Im sorry"  
  
"No. You're right, Sam is still here and i thank God that everytime i thought that i'd lost her, I hadn't. Daniel, Janet wouldn't want you like this"  
  
Daniel fell to the floor knocking over a tray with different medical equipment over.  
  
"I just want her back. I never told her I loved her and now i'll never have the chance"  
  
"You do have the chance"  
  
"What?"  
  
Jack sat down on the floor with him.  
  
"You honestly think that the Doc would just go away and not continue to watch us to see what messes we've been getting ourselves into"  
  
Daniel wanted to smile at Jack's lame attempt to cheer him up but he felt hollow.  
  
"Why don't you go home?"  
  
" I don't..."  
  
"Ahhh. Daniel i think it would be best if you went home and went through your head"  
  
Daniel nodded.  
  
"Ok. I'll go"  
  
My head is spinning around and it's making me dizzy.   
  
I'm spinning around and it's making me ill.   
  
You don't understand what I'm going through just to find a way to climb.   
  
It'll be in my own time.   
  
It'll be in my own time  
  
Daniel tossed about in his bed. "Janet." He kept on whispering her name over and over again.  
  
(Flashback)  
  
Sound of staff blast, bright flash of light shoots past the screen as it hits Janet square in the chest the force throwing her back with a cry   
  
WELLS: Oh god what happened sound of gunfire is she hit?   
  
Image moves to Janet   
  
BOSWORTH: I got him.   
  
JACKSON: Janet!   
  
BOSWORTH: You're clear Dr. Jackson, sorry but.   
  
Cameras been flung aside.   
  
JACKSON: I need a medic! Fraiser's been hit I need a medic.   
  
WELLS: Is she ok?   
  
JACKSON: Sierra Gulf Niner ... aghh I need a medic!   
  
(End Of Flashback)  
  
"JANET !!!" Daniel woke up screaming for her. He was hot and sweating. Daniel got up and went into the kitchen. He grabbed a cup and filled it with water.  
  
( Imagination )  
  
Share: Daniel.  
  
Daniel: Share ?  
  
Share: I thought you loved me.  
  
Daniel: I did.  
  
Share: it's your fault im dead. You couldn't help me and now im DEAD!  
  
Daniel: No it wasn't like that.  
  
Janet: Daniel.  
  
Daniel: Janet.  
  
Janet: Why didn't you help me?  
  
Daniel; I tried Janet. Honestly.  
  
Janet: But i died. I've left behind everything.  
  
Daniel: I tried Janet.  
  
Janet; And you Failed ! and now im DEAD !  
  
( Reality )  
  
SMASH !!  
  
Daniel looked down at the floor. The glass of water he once held now covered the floor. He looked at it again, it had turned red.   
  
"No!"   
  
It had turned blood red.   
  
"Im sorry, im sorry...sorry"  
  
Daniel uncovered his eye's and looked at the floor again. Red no longer stained the floor it was just clear water. Should he call Jack. No, he would want Daniel to get a medical check-up. Should he call Sam. No, she had her grief to deal with and on top of that had to look after Cassie. Teal'c. No, this wasn't Tealc's problem.  
  
"Alone"  
  
Daniel picked up some plates and chucked them around his apartment.  
  
"Im so bloody useless"  
  
Daniel kicked his cupboards.  
  
"They shouldn't be dead. I should be"  
  
Daniels violent temper turned on anything it could find.  
  
Whispering thoughts in all different ways.   
  
That I'm in a daze.   
  
My head is spinning around and it's making me dizzy.   
  
I'm spinning around and it's making me ill.   
  
You don't understand what I'm going through just to find a way to climb.   
  
Sam knocked on Daniel's door.  
  
"Daniel"  
  
She could hear almost silent movement.  
  
"Daniel open the door"  
  
Sam kneeled on her knees and looked through the gap at the bottom of the door. She saw a solid human figure slumped in a corner.  
  
"Daniel im kicking the door down"  
  
Sam kicked it 4 times until it finally came down. As soon as she got in she ran over to Daniel.  
  
"Daniel are you ok?"  
  
He looked at her. he didn't say a word or show a reaction he just stared at Sam, he stared like he had lost something.  
  
"Oh my god"  
  
Sam looked around his apartment, almost everything was smashed. Sam pulled her cell phone out of her bag and rang Jack.  
  
"Colonel you better get over to Daniel's and bring Teal'c"  
  
( 20 minutes later)  
  
" For crying out loud. What the hell happened here?"  
  
Teal'c approached Daniel who Sam had managed to move to the couch.  
  
"Daniel Jackson who did this to you?"  
  
Sam looked at Daniel, he didn't answer.  
  
"He did it himself"  
  
Jack looked at Sam.  
  
"No way. Daniel couldn't do this"  
  
"Sir, people grieve in different ways"  
  
Sam knelt down beside Daniel. She dabbed some cotton wool on Daniel cuts. He let out a slight cry as the warm wool touched his blood stained arms.  
  
"I think he blames himself for what happened to Janet"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Cause he was there and come on we all know they way he felt about Janet and he lost Share to apothis, so i think he blames himself for not being able to help either of them."  
  
"I didn't mean to let either of them die"  
  
"Spacemonkey, thanks for talking"  
  
"Colonel O'neill, i do not believe your sarcasm will help Daniel Jackson in this hard time"  
  
"Sorry"  
  
"Daniel, do you remember what happened?"  
  
Daniel nodded  
  
"Unfortunately, yes i do"  
  
"I don't think you can stay here space monkey"  
  
"I'll be fine"  
  
"I highly doubt that"  
  
Jack pointed to the floor which was covered in smashed glass.  
  
"You can come stay with me"  
  
"Ummm..."  
  
" Or if you prefer with me?"  
  
Daniel practically jumped at Sam's offer.  
  
"Thanks Sam."  
  
"No problem"  
  
It'll be in my own time.   
  
'cause it'll be in my own time.   
  
In my own time.   
  
In my own time I'll take a chance.   
  
In my own time I'll find romance. In my own time.  
  
Sam knocked on the bathroom door.  
  
"You alright Daniel?"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
Sam didn't want to push him to talk so she went back downstairs.  
  
"Carter are you sure about Daniel staying here?"  
  
"O'neill do you think that Major Carter is unsafe here?"  
  
"No. Well kind of. what i mean is what happens if Daniel goes into one of his plate smashing moods?"  
  
"Sir, Daniel just need's time and if smashing up my plates helps him then i guess we just have to let him"  
  
"I can bring round some plastic plates if you prefer"  
  
Sam and Teal'c looked at Jack.  
  
"Sorry that joke fell slightly flat"  
  
Daniel walked into the living room.  
  
"Hey how you feeling?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Im going to make some coffee does anyone want any?"  
  
"Mmmm coffee"  
  
Teal'c simple nodded his head.  
  
"Daniel?"  
  
"No im fine."  
  
Sam walked into the kitchen and put the kettle on.  
  
"So Daniel how's the arm?"  
  
"cut and bruised but no permanent damage"  
  
"So you'll be back on the missions before you know it?"  
  
"Actually i wanted ot talk to you guys about that"  
  
Sam walked into the living room.  
  
"I might be leaving SG-1 "  
  
"What?"  
  
"I don't think i can cope with any more people dying around me. If im like this with Janet what am i gonna be like with you guys."  
  
" Daniel you're in a emotional state right now. You can't go making any rash desicions."  
  
"Jack, i think i deserve a rest"  
  
"Then take some time off"  
  
"I just can't"  
  
"Do you believe leaving SG-1 will be the answer to your problems Daniel Jackson"  
  
"No Teal'c i dont but it will help me. I just can't be reminded of everything bad which has happened to me"  
  
"But you can't go. We haven't found the lost city yet"  
  
" And i will gladly translate things for you but i just can't go on the missions no more."  
  
"Daniel if this is what you want, then we'll support you"  
  
"Carter !"  
  
"We can't stop him sir. If he believes it will help then let's give him that choice"  
  
"Thanks Sam"  
  
"Just no this Daniel. We are all here for you. We may be dealing with our grief if different ways but we have still lost the same person and maybe it would be best if we talked now and again."  
  
"Tell you what space monkey, sleep on it and if you still want to resign in the morning then i will personally help you clean out your office."  
  
Daniel let out a slight smile.  
  
"I'll sleep on it"  
  
It'll be mine.   
  
After the clouds there'll be the rain.   
  
After the sun there'll be the moon it doesn't matter.   
  
'cause it'll be in my own time  
  
Daniel closed his eye's and rested his head on the soft pillow. As he lay asleep he saw a light and a person walking towards him in the light.  
  
"Daniel"  
  
"Janet"  
  
Janet sat next to him.  
  
"I don't blame you"  
  
"Well you should"  
  
"Daniel you shouldn't blame yourself for my death or Share's. We all eventually die Daniel, i guess mine and Share's time just came earlier than we planned"  
  
"I could of done something"  
  
"No you couldn't"  
  
Janet took Daniel hand.  
  
"Janet, i never told you this and i wish i did but..I love you"  
  
"I know. I feel the same"  
  
Their lips touched. It didn't feel like a dream.  
  
"Daniel promise me one thing"  
  
"Anything"  
  
"Don't leave sg-1"  
  
"Janet i can't stay?"  
  
"Daniel if you leave then you walk away from everything you've ever believed in and that helps the Gould win"  
  
"Everyone is dyeing around me and i can't let that happen anymore"  
  
"You think it's your fault that so many men and women have died? Daniel that is far from true. Everyday they step through the gate they know there's a chance they might not come back through alive and they still go through."  
  
"Yes but..."  
  
"No but's Daniel. Everything happen's for a reason and you have to accept that im not coming back."  
  
"I don't want to accept it"  
  
"Daniel i may not be with you physically but i am everywhere you go. I will always be watching you guys and Cassie. Im not ready to leave"  
  
"It's just so hard to know that you're not going to be there to treat our scrapes and scratches when we come through the gate"  
  
"You'll learn to deal with it in your own time."  
  
Janet turned her head away.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I must go"  
  
"Janet you do forgive me right?"  
  
"I forgave you a long time ago"  
  
Janet smiled and kissed Daniel. She disappeared along with the light that clouded his mind. That didn't feel like a dream at all, if anything it felt more than real.  
  
"Janet"   
  
A gasp of wind blowed through the curtains. The window wasn't even open. Daniel smiled.  
  
"I'll stay"  
  
. 


End file.
